Hello 2026 - You are starting off not very promising....

Well here we are in 2026 - It's January 3rd - and this year is not starting off well for me.  First of all, the job I applied for just before Christmas I, obviously, did not get.  I've heard nothing (in the interview they said they were wanting to get back to us before Christmas) and was told by a friend that they won't hire me because The Board can't control me.  The job was for office administration in my condo building office (it's actually in the next building but still on site).  I thought it would be something that I could do easily with my 15 years of office administration experience.  I felt the interview went well and it's the first time I've actually felt 100% confidence that I could do the job when applying for it.

I still work at Arbys and that's not going well.  They keep cutting down the work hours.  This week's schedule came out and I'm only scheduled to work 3 days - Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  Thursday and Friday are 3 hour shifts, while Saturday is a 7 hour shift.  I know when I applied I wanted just 3 or 4 hour shifts, but after mom died I've asked them for full-time hours.  They refuse to give me those hours. (First it was 10-5 Monday to Friday when a person left a position to become Manager. I was told it was created for them and the hours don't exist. - So Favouritism, of course.  Then, when I was told they wanted to train me for prep to prepare for when the prep person retires, I said "oh so I can have the 9-4 Monday to Friday shift!"  I was told no - prep goes to someone else who has seniority over me (makes sense) and when I said "okay then 10-4.." I was told that those hours are not "Hancar Hours" and would be phased out with the person leaving.)    So yeah, they have no intention of providing for me.  So that's why I need to find a full-time job.

I was hoping (and, quite honestly, I am still clinging to a glimmer of hope because nothing has been posted about the condo office admin job) to get the job in the condo office because of a few things - 1) it is a full-time position (9 to 5 Monday to Friday), 2) It's in the condo office so it means that I am basically working from home,  3) The pay is more per hour than I am currently making, which is amazing.  If I were to get that job, it would basically double my pay! I could get out of the situation I'm in (depleted savings account, having had to dip into the emergency account) within a couple of years.. I believe.  So yeah, it's very sad that they haven't called or emailed to say that the position is mine.   Everything else I've looked at (though it's only been minimal searches in the last couple of days) has been needing to drive some place, needing a diploma, needing experience in said field, or something that has made me go "uh.. I dunno..." 

I'd like to do something that's enjoyable.  I would like something that is close to home. I need something full-time (40 hours a week; though I'll do something guaranteed 30 hours a week - that's still more than I am doing now).  I need something that is just Monday to Friday since I don't want to work weekends, and it must be in the day hours because I spend the evenings chatting with Ken.  My long distance relationship is very important to me and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize that. 

This morning, though, I did get a tiny bit of good news. I went to figure out my bills for the first part of the month as today was pay day and saw that I received my GST cheque.  This helped get my bills paid, and allowed me to move $100 over to my savings account.  I still have some money left over to do groceries (I need to be able to get what I need next week, plus I am still wanting to get some pop as the store didn't have any last night when I tried to buy it.)  I have been trying to put the GST and any other governmental cheques I get into Savings.  I put most of the cheque in and only kept a little in my chequing account.  I think that's a good thing - so.... tiny glimmers of a silver lining... 

Social Media is a joke...

       Social media is a joke.  It makes people feel like they are important, but it's all one giant lie. In 2024 I made an announcement on Facebook that I was going to leave the place.  After being subjected to many different incidents of bullying (though Facebook had labelled ME as a bully due to their AI nonsense picking up key words and deciding those were being used to bully (taking it completely out of context - simply looking at a word)), being flooded with advertisements, and seeing the same posts over and over (missing anything newly posted, so missing posts by those on my friend list) I decided that I was done with the place.  It just continued to make me angry, and I didn't need that. After my post, some of those on my friends list who had seen it commented to say "Don't leave!" "I'll miss you!" and the other usual "stay" responses.  I provided my email address to some who said they wanted to keep in touch. On December 31, 2024 I deleted my Facebook account and left.

    I still had Instagram, which I didn't use often, but it was there. I had a couple of my Facebook friends on there, my niece and my sister. So, I started looking at Instagram more. None of the people who claimed to care about me, claimed they would miss me if I left Facebook, bothered to keep up with me. I have sent an email to a friend who said he wanted to keep up.  He's never bothered to reply back.  I had one friend who had called me his "family" and referred to me as his "sister'.  When his birthday came around, I sent him a text message to wish him a happy birthday.  He never replied.  I sent him a happy birthday message on his Instagram business page also.  Again, no response. I had thought maybe something happened to him since I stopped seeing the Instagram posts.  Then suddenly, a post appeared. I responded to it saying I had been worried, had sent messages and heard nothing.  The response? "I'm fine" (or something like that - good, okay.. I don't remember the exact word).  Nothing about the birthday wish. Nothing "familiar" or "friendly".   So I decided he didn't care either, and deleted his number from my phone book.

    One of the things I have been struggling with since mom passed away is the feeling of being redundant. I am closer to my sister and father than I was, which is a bonus, but still.  I don't have children, so no one needs me. I don't have a spouse. Hell, my boyfriend doesn't even seem to want to advance to that stage. (Granted, he is American and I'm Canadian so there's a lot of red tape there, but when I mentioned us getting married so I could try sponsoring him and we could be together, he came up with a few excuses to the contrary, so I really don't think that's what he wants.)

    I don't know why I am still on this planet. My existence should have ended when mom passed away; or at the very least after I had sorted the paperwork out for that.  Maybe the universe is waiting for me to get off my ass and get my Will done so that my paperwork is in order.  I don't know. I do know that I feel lonely, and that I feel down, and that I feel like I am existing.  My days are generally like this - [Work Days] Get up, make breakfast, do stuff on the computer (Solitaire, email, etc) if I don't have to be in at 9am, then get my stuff together and got to work.  I work my shift, come home and then play video games on my PC for the evening until bedtime. I talk to my boyfriend from 8pm-ish until bedtime. [Non-Work Days] Get up, make breakfast, go on the computer - do Solitaire, email and the like, then play video games for the day.  It's just existing.

    What would I do otherwise? Hah! I have no idea! I don't know how to do anything but exist. I'm lazy, so pushing myself to do exercise type things are pretty much impossible. I HAVE walked over to the mall when I needed something there a couple of times; so that's something, I guess.  I'm too damn shy to do anything about friends.  I've become friendly with a guy in the building - Brian - while dealing with the condo board stuff. He's been really nice, even offering to take me on a tour of the London Museum when I said I had never been (he works there, teaching art and stuff to kids) and inviting me to Thanksgiving dinner at his condo. I don't know what it is about me. Maybe it's a fear of rejection.  Maybe it's me thinking I'm not worth much; I do feel like I'm redundant/irrelevant. I have no idea.

    I write my thoughts here, in Blogger, because I know that no one else reads it. I can say what I want, say how I feel and no one can judge me or put me down or bully me. I can get it out of my head and onto a page where I can look back on it later (though I probably never will).  It's kind of like writing in a diary; but doing it online on the computer rather than hand writing it in a book.

Afraid of my Oven

 I live in a condo apartment and I am terrified of setting off my smoke detector. I try very hard not to cook anything that will cause it to go off, and make sure things are well ventilated (window open full, fans on (both over the oven/stove and in the living room) so that it will help.  When I bake something or cook something in the oven, I am filled with huge anxiety while it's cooking/baking.

At this moment, I have got some popovers in the oven. I've never made them before (though I have made homemade Yorkshires and, from what I understand, popovers are the basically the same thing).  They have to bake at 450F for 20 minutes, and then lower the oven to 350F for another 10 minutes.  I have 13 minutes and 30 seconds left of the first 20 minutes baking.  My heart is racing and I'm prepared for the smoke detector to go off (cutting board at the ready so I can fan it while it bakes).  I am REALLY hoping that this bakes fine, without the smoke detector getting involved.

I can't unplug this one, or turn it off. There is no batteries or off switch. It's a combo smoke detector and carbon monoxide detector.  It's the one that's good for 5 years. (11:30 left) 

Ugh.. I hate that it freaks me out to use the oven. I'm good with the stove. I don't have any issues when I use that. It's just when I use the oven, and sometimes my air fryer (once with bacon and I think once with chicken wings - but I could be wrong there).   The oven scares me.  It's a silly fear; but it's because I live in the condo.  If I were still at the house, I wouldn't care if there was an issue.  If the smoke detector went off, I could just pull it down and undo the battery or simply ignore it.  It wouldn't bother anyone else.  But here - in the condo - I have my neighbours to think about.  (9:20 left)

I am second guessing baking here hah.  I don't know why I thought doing popovers would be such a grand idea. I like Yorkshires, which I eat with roast beef dinners.  Popovers are usually served with butter, jam, or something sweet - eaten like a roll.  Janet was talking about Popovers at work the one day and I've wanted them ever since.  I decided to buy the ingredients and make some myself.  I am really hoping I don't regret this.

(7:20 left) When the timer runs out, I'll turn the oven down to 350F for 10 more minutes before I remove them from the oven.  I'm stupidly anxious. I can't relax to do something while I wait (besides typing this blog).  I write this because I know that there's no one reading my thoughts. This blogger page is basically my diary. If someone stumbles on it, cool, but I really don't exist online so I doubt anyone will find me.  I tried to go to Facebook again (I left it December 31, 2024) but the site refuses to allow me to rejoin it.  (5 minutes left)  I don't know why; but I guess it's for the best.

None of my friends from Facebook talk to me now - except for Melissa (Lissa), Gennifer (penpal), Kirsty  (Penpal) and Alanna (Penpal).   Everyone else, including Ron (who I had thought viewed me as family) have just ignored me. I tried writing to Haydn to reach out and say hi.  He's never bothered to reply back.  I guess I'm just not that important, memorable, worthwhile. (3 minutes left)  It's sad. I feel very lonely a lot of the time. Having my online friends turn on me like they have is actually really hurtful.  But - I guess it's true - I am irrelevant.

----

Cooking first part - 450F for 20 minutes - success.  Smoke Detector did not go off. The oven has now been turned down to 350F and they're cooking for 10 minutes (8:30 left).  We'll see how they turn out. I had expected them to look like Yorkshire Pudding, but they look more like muffins to me.  At least my dishes are all done (well, other than the muffin tin that's in the oven right now)

I'll update this when it's done and out of the oven.  There's about 7 minutes left of cooking time.  Anxiety isn't as high, but my heart's still racing a bit.

---

Popovers cooked without setting off the smoke detector. They're delicious! :) I just did 2 up with butter, which I just sampled the first bite. Yum!

Unions are a joke and mental health is a lame excuse

 I'm watching the news and the support staff for the local college are looking at a strike.   Their demands include "job security", as most of the unions who decide to strike demand.  Sorry but "job security" does not exist in this day and age.

A company goes belly-up?  Jobs go away.  No job security.

A company does lay offs because they can't afford to keep the staff?  Jobs go away. No job security.

They constantly scream and cry for more money and larger salaries - even from companies who are struggling.

The big kicker? The Union Bosses - those guys in the cushy offices pushing the unions to strike - have no worries about THEIR JOBS.  They don't care if the company the unions are from goes belly-up.  THEY will still have THEIR jobs.

In this day and age, unions are not needed.  They have overstayed their welcome.

---------------

Mental Health excuse is a joke.  I get so mad every time I hear someone say something about "Mental Health".   "Oh - that person's really mean to others because they have "mental health" "  No. Inexcusable.  

The kids are going back to school and have to deal with bullying and "mental health".  Easy fix.  Get them off their damn cell phones!  No phones, no bullying.  Get them off the grid! 

When I needed help because my "mental health" was suffering I was told "I'm not surprised" and given no help.  I was told "you are your own worst enemy" and wasn't given help.  I was IGNORED.  But yeah, "mental health" is important.  Bull pucky.

I do not trust "Influencers" and "Social Media Stars"

 

    Social Media has created these personas called "influencers" and "social media stars" and people tend to buy the nonsense they put up online. The thing is, the reason they exist is because they put up their material and people watch it/read it/interact with it and those social media people get money for it - be it through the advertisements you are forced to watch or key clicks or whatever. 

    Whenever I see a news story that says "uploaded a viral video to Tiktok" (or whatever social media platform is trending at the time (right now, in 2025, it's TikTok)  I immediately disregard the truth of the story.  This post is being sparked by a story I just read by someone who "posted a viral video to TikTok" about how their 6ft9inch truck got stuck in a Las Vegas parking garage that was supposed to be 6ft10inch clearance.  The story started with the woman stating she had paid for Valet parking, and that the truck was too big to get out of the garage.   In the article she then says she asked about the "smaller parking" but was told the 6ft10 clearance would be fine for their truck, and said she couldn't go back out where she entered because of the traffic going into the garage.  (So right there is the first lie)    She states she came out to find her truck stuck behind a low beam. 

    The article had some expert chime in about how concrete can ebb and move over time due to the weight it has to hold (particularly in parking garages) and how the truck was probably caught by one of those.  The woman said she let the air out of her tires, and then they filled the truck bed with people to get out.  At the end of the day, she got out of the place she should never have parked in.  Many comments on the article I read had people commenting about how a truck that size should never have gone into the garage, some defending the woman's action - but all that amounts to is more money for the story creator.   People will click on the TikTok video to watch this video the woman put out (more money for the creator) and whatever ad revenue she gets from them also adds up.  As one person in the comments said, these "influencers" often create a scenario and then post about it to create drama for their followers (to gain followers and, of course, get more money)

    I also any of these "movie trailer" videos I am seeing lately on YouTube Reels because they're AI generated.  I watched one, getting excited for an upcoming movie, only to learn it was something created by AI "for entertainment purposes" (so completely fake).  So now when I see a "new trailer" for a movie, I ignore it and figure it's fake.  I'll go to the movie theatre website to see the trailers there.  Those are real. 

    We, as a society, really need to stop making these fools famous.  It won't happen, of course, but one could wish.